Zoom Debate with Dr. Jonathan Swift

Since great art is immortal, we decided to have a virtual meeting with the amazing practitioner of this immortal art: Dr. Jonathan Swift. So we Zoomed him and -- surprisingly --he answered the call right away.

--So, Dear Mr. Swift, when you described how Lilliputians butcher each other over the highly contentious issue of the proper way to break a boiled egg, you were just making things up, were you not? Of course, people with the pea-size brain, like Lilliputians, can divide themselves into Big-Endians and Little-Endians, and organize six rebellions that would take the lives of their leaders along with thousands of commoners? But the rest of the humanity is surely above these petty concerns! And even if you meant the Brits of your day, you can’t possibly be talking about this exceptional nation, which boasts the biggest butts, biggest bellies, biggest rockets, and therefore biggest brains on the planet!

-- Well, well, well, my dear fellow. I know you don’t want to hear the unpleasant truths, but that’s not my business to speak lies to power. You have BBC, Guardian, NYT and WaPo to do exactly that. What I’ve allowed Gulliver to diagnose in Lilliput is a very serious affliction. They don’t call me Doctor for nothing. Don’t forget that I’ve also discovered another disease, that of Lilliputians blaming their sworn enemies, citizens of Blefuscu, for supporting the Big-Endians, and therefore interfering in their political life.

-- Wait a minute. You can’t suggest even for a minute that these types of accusations are the disease. Isn’t it a well known scientific fact, that for every Lilliput, there is always Blefuscu that keeps on meddling, and interfering and otherwise sawing the discord?

-- Indeed, it is a scientific fact of human nature that we need scapegoats. The minute you stop blaming others and look at yourself, you cease being a Lilliputian. You begin to grow. So yes, maybe my diagnosis would not work for people of wisdom and maturity, but until there are those who are ready to attack each other for the right to appoint either Jewish or Catholic woman for the Supreme Court, or to place another corporate war-monger into the White House, my diagnosis is as valid for the Exceptionals, as it is valid for the England of my day.

-- That’s not funny. You can’t be serious to suggest that there is no difference between the two senior citizens who want their children to benefit from the country’s foreign adventures, and their friends in Military Industrial Complex and Wall Street to rip the profits from your party’s economic and political decisions? After all, one of these senior citizens has a charming woman as his assistant, as opposed to an ugly dude. And this progressive senior has promised Californians to rename their Russian River and Russian Hill into Freedom River and Democracy Hill, as opposed to the other guy, who just wants to rename CoronaVirus into Chinese Virus. That difference is huge, and by no means can’t be compared to the petty pretext that Lilliputians used to divide each other.

-- This difference might appear huge to you, my dear lad, but from where I am currently located, it does not look that big. The only difference I’ve been able to detect so far between my time and yours is that people like me wouldn’t be able to publish stuff like “Gulliver Travel” or “The Modest Proposal.” You would not deny that in today’s world the author of “The Modest Proposal” would have his social media account wiped out, while he himself would be immediately fired, canceled, and dismissed as the violator of safe zones and the apologist for meat-eating and child-abuse. Luckily, nobody would accuse him for promoting torture, since torture had been pronounced legal in your wonderful country. But that’s a small consolation, wouldn’t you say?

-- Well, dear Dr Swift. You need a better telescope. Maybe NASA can provide you with one soon. With the proper optics you’ll discover that freedom of speech is thriving in the West. If the cops are fascist we call them fascist. If the presidents are fascists we do so as well. When another president tries to poison his rival, we boldly demand his explanations. There is nothing that the liberal press can’t expose. Name any sexual predator who is above the law. At your time, nobody could say a word about the pedophiles at the court. In fact, we are currently working on a new mini-series, called Gulliver’s Immodest Proposal, in which Gulliver visits two beautiful islands, Epsteinia and Weinsteinia, where he hears a lot of immodest proposals from the rulers and their servants.

--Wow, indeed you beat me. I am humbled. Please send me the telescope right away. I’ll need it, since I don’t want to miss any details from Gulliver adventures on these two wonderful islands.