Cat Show 8/28/2020
VG: So did anyone watch the recent conventions? Anything of interest? Somehow, I could not make myself look at the screen. It is like watching 1975-school graduation address again and again. How many well-meaning banalities can one handle?
HOBBS: We don’t need to watch anything nowadays, there is always NYT and NPR to explain the meaning of it. Thus, I’ve learned – one more time – that Russians are everywhere and that Putin is the most powerful man in the world. He makes Trump win again and again. He puts a woman with a Slavic accent into the White House, he makes Republicans ban all emigres, except those Slavs related to Trump personally. Furthermore, none of those Slavs can even speak English, as been rightfully observed by one of those Hollywood insiders with proper Democratic Credentials, whose ancestors came from Russia, and therefore have earned the right to hate the country of their origins and mock it incessantly. Which did not preclude them from making their careers by playing in such Classics as Fiddler on the Roof or Yentl, and capitalizing on the lives of those, whom they mock in real life.
ALICE: You can exaggerate all you want, Hobbs, but we know for a fact, that Putin and his select group of loyal associates, sneak to this country at night, mess our election, hack Hillary’s internets, support both the police and BLM, create hurricanes in Texas, and wild fires in California and Colorado. You are not going to deny, that Russians were devious enough to got themselves a nice and cold Siberia, while forcing the decent, law abiding Americans live in some tropical climate inferno, and then made Americans to be totally oblivious of climate change, so that the next year, there would be even more fires and hurricanes.
HOBBS: Oh, Alice, you forgot to mention the obvious. On the way to America, those devious Russians mess things up in Belarus, poison political opponents in Siberia, and divide the world into two new and all-powerful cults: Always Maskers and Never Maskers.
ALICE: That’s the point. Russians are everywhere and that’s the reason, why Biden should be kept in a vault and prevented from debating with Trump. Any exposure to public scrutiny would turn an already feeble Biden into a victim of a double threat: Covid and Putin. That’s why our wise and caring Party wanted to impeach Trump while ushering Biden into the White House. We now have Republicans supporting him, military supporting him, rank and file CIA and State Department supporting him, intellectual elite supporting him. Who needs debates, elections, and other unsafe procedures that Russians can easily manipulate, as they do manipulate the mind of Vladimir, and … that of Hobbs, if I can call it “a mind,” that is.
VG: Hobbs mentioned something reasonable, by the way. These two new powerful cults! Why are we all divided and masked so quickly? Was there a referendum? Was there a debate on the issue? Did we have a chance to vote and then follow the results of our choices. We know that Covid is a serious threat and that it can kill and debilitate people. But so do the uncertainty, and economic collapse, and depression, and the idiotic enforcement of masking and social distancing even when people are alone in the woods. Doctors, epidemiologists, political scientists, and historians all debate on what is the best strategy for the society at large: to bite a bullet of a virus, until it does it damage and is gone, or try to resist it by using the famous American My Lai strategy: "to destroy the village in order to save it." And the need to evaluate and debate various strategies is not just the provenance of some loony theorists. The educated and thoughtful countries like Sweden have decided to bite the bullet and let this hurricane of virus hit the place and then deal with aftermath. But we, in the United States and in many other places, have no debate on the alternatives, no referendums. Just a decision that is being enforced from the top, gets even more distorted by thousand little enforcers who feel the need to enforce it further, and consequently, there doesn’t seem to be a viable strategy or policy. Just some magic belief in Santa Vaccina.
HOBBS: You got that one right. I can’t even vomit without a mask. There is always Alice on my back, telling me to cover my mouth, my nose, and my whiskers. What kind of a cat life is this, when I can’t even smell or sense anything? And I already don’t see well.
ALICE: Vladimir, did you hear? Hobbs can’t smell. He is obviously infected. We have to have him committed. Preferable to some senior cat assistance living facility, where they lock the older cats away from public eye. Who needs his propaganda and cynicism? Maybe they will let him out when the vaccine is invented by one of the big corporations. My bet is on Pfizer. If they can invent a medicine that can make even this old geezer neutered Hobbs excited, they can surely invent something that would make people breath without a mask. Like fresh air or something.
HOBBS: At least, they didn’t neuter my brain, Alice. I hear they are working on some biological mask that they would implant into one’s face forever and which would protect us from all sorts of viruses. Men would be able to have a mask of Trump or Biden, and women – of Melania or Kamala Harris. They considered Hillary’s face for a while, but even the staunchest of Democrats had to admit that this face would have the effect of Medusa Gorgon. So they are now thinking of making the composite image of both Clintons and offering it to the transgender community, and to all those who prefer their gender as confused and multi-faceted as Clintons’ morality.
VG: Ok, guys. We are running out of time and out of jokes. Clintons are very different from Russians. You can’t really blame them forever. Talk to you all in September.
