Cat Show 7/3/20
Friday Cat Show. July 3, 2020
VG: So now, as we are approaching the biggest holiday of the land, July 4, what are your thoughts on domestic situation and on the role of the US in the world?
ALICE: If you view US through personalities, Trump in particular, it is clear that our standing had been drastically undermined. Failure to adequately deal with the virus, economic situation that had deteriorated for so many people, international scandals including the current AfghanGate, let alone racism and stupidity. Is there any surprise that the foreigners look at us exactly as we look at you when you come home drunk. What will you do? You might give us extra food, or you might step on us, or throw your shoe right into our heads. Are you surprised that we run for cover?
HOBBS: That’s a typical myopic outlook of someone who can’t see forest behind the trees. Trump is Trump, and only fools who write for NYT or New Yorker continue to imagine that replacing him with the mass-groper-long-past-his-prime part-apparatchik would suddenly restore the country to its past glory. You Alice, always talk about systemic racism, and systemic misogyny, why then is only Trump’s racism and sexism?
VG: Alice does not have to be consistent. Not because she is a female, God forbid I’d imply that. In fact, I propose to cancel Rigoletto and its sexist lyrics. “La donna è mobile qual piuma al vento.” What kind of an outrageously condescending statement is this? Is Samantha Power fickle? Or Nicky Haley? Or Condoleezza Rice? Or Sarah Palin? Let alone Hillary and Albright – these two bulwarks of unabating hatred and misanthropy. No! Alice is fickle just because she is a liberal.
HOBBS: Are you trying to say, that you agree with Alice that personality matter? If you believe this, are you guys that different from Trump, who keeps on firing and hiring people, hoping to find a perfect minister for this or that. Yet, he seems to be stuck with the eternal Bolton, eternal Pompeo, and eternal James Clapper. It is like some goody-too-shoes modern mayor of a major city hires one police chief after another and always ends up with Derek Chauvin in charge.
ALICE: IF you, Hobbs, are implying that under Trump, US continues to play the role of the World Policeman, I agree with you. But it is Trump who sicks his henchmen to put their knee on every country’s neck. Look at Iran. Rather than negotiating and recognizing diplomacy, as he bragged he would, he walks out of the treaty, yet continues to bully the country, demanding more and more sanctions from all other countries, while issuing more and more threats. Exactly the behavior of a cop, who recognizes no authority or legality above his own fist or gun. And personality do matter, you silly Hobbs. I am a person of integrity, principles, and idealism. You are a cynical slime ball, yet, Vladimir always gives you the better slice of salmon. Why? Because he is a cynical slime ball himself, and therefore recognizes a bird of a feather.
HOBBS: Wait a minute. Don’t push it, Alice. You are absolutely right about the role of the US as the world cop, and we all know the high standards of behavior and accountability to which cops adhere, but what is this nonsense about me or Vladimir being cynical and slimy birds of the feather? I as a black cat, Vladimir as a perennial outsider – we know how the cookie crumbles. Only naïve cuties like you can remain idealistic and principled in today’s world, playing a victim while ripping the benefits. Idealist is a cop’s wife who thinks that her husband’s job is to help poor old women to cross the street. Idealist is a fool who thinks that he saves lives by wearing a mask during a walk in the park, while your country sells lethal weapons to murderous regimes and other assorted thugs. Idealist is the zealot, who thinks that you cancel mastery of one man over another by banishing the term master-bedroom from your vocabulary.
VG: Wow, Alice. Going on personal attacks in defense of your thesis that personality matters? That’s as low as blaming Russians for every idiotic crime that CIA had ever cooked up. Why can’t you just admit that your world is crumbling? Do you really think that undertaking one more investigation about Trump’s corruption would provide enough distraction to you and your friends, so that you can forget about reality. Is that the price you are willing to pay for your idealism? I say, Trump is the opium of the people, and the sooner they figure it out the better. And that’s includes you.
ALICE: Mock me as much as you want. I know what it means to express a minority opinion. I know what it is to be bullied and mistreated. Both of you are playing to your audience of angry white males, but you are not fooling anyone. And stop pretending being a black cat, Hobbs. You always mock Obama for serving a Whitey, and that’s exactly what you do in this household. I say, Vladimir, add another female voice to your show, or take it off the air. Enough of your Hobbsplaining.
VG: Wow, Hobbs, we are in trouble. Alice has finally shown her claws. Wait a minute. You guys, have just given me a brilliant idea. We need to jack up our ratings, right? So I will replace both of you with two female hotties in see-through outfits. And don’t worry, I have it all covered. One will be blond, another brunette.
