Cat Show 2/19/2021
VG: I am so tired of all these endless deja vus. Another strain of virus, another snow storm, another suppression of freedom of speech, another virtue signaling, another Trump’s fault. Will we ever get out of this avalanche of sameness, or are we doomed to re-experience this Texas Snow-storm Massacre again and again, as in the Groundhog Day, of which we’ve talked last time?
ALICE: There are plenty of great news, if you just look for them. What about NASA mission to Mars? Wasn’t it a resounding and unique success? Or Tom Brady leading his Buccaneers to the resounding victory! Or even Russians impressing the world with their Sputnik V, bringing to mind their original Sputnik. Or Mitch McConnell decimating Trump in his historic speech. We are talking about history here, and not déjà vu. And only old cynics like you two fail to see it.
HOBBS: I think it is all in the name. Name recognition is very important for marketing. Look at Sputnik. It was a groundbreaking gadget. Add to that V – that stands for Victory, Vaccine, and naturally for Vladimir, and you get a Vinner on your hands. Surprisingly, Americans began to lose at this game, forgetting the lessons of their own Bernays and other PR geniuses. People are not afraid of virus and refuse to wear a mask? Don’t call it Chinese virus! call it Red Virus, or Socialist Virus. That would scare them. Or vaccination? What an unwieldy term? It is a freedom shot, or— if it requires two shots -- call it a double shot of Love and Liberty. NATO's violent operation in another country? It has to be “non-binary liberation from the tyrannical pronoun duopoly.” Same with Brady. Winning for Patriots, means you are winning for all those deplorables who support Trump and storm the Capitol. Can’t do it in a polite society. Buccaneers on the other hand, is as traditional and patriotic as a pumpkin pie, but has much less negative connotations. After all, everyone in Who is Who is a buccaneer, especially the Wall Street Buccaneers who give 10% of their loot to Democratic Party. Of course, Buccaneers were destined to win.
VG: Interesting observation, Hobbs. Maybe that’s what every ruler has to do. Just come up with a more catchy name. Like in Ukraine, for example. Why bring all these strange concepts of pathological paranoia, blinding nationalism, provincial and petty hatred of others? Just call them “restoration of European values.” I think Putin has to use this strategy too. Navalny keeps on challenging him for condoning all those nasty oligarchs who robbed the country blind in the nineties. Don’t call them oligarchs. They are Patriotic Buccaneers. Or maybe even Orthodox Patriotic Buccaneers. And that would be true, since these guys have the biggest yachts in the world, with the help of which they expand their buccaneering activity into Nice and Bali. Speaking of V. Have you heard that one such Patriotic Buccaneer-Yachtsman, Vladimir Potanin, has already amassed more than 30 billion dollars by now?
HOBBS: Well, it is not good to count other people’s money, but yes, Potanin is an interesting case. He not only managed to privatize the biggest nickel production in the world, while being a vice minister in charge of privatization; he continues to pollute Siberia, being too greedy to build a proper protection for the leaking old oil tanks that he also privatized for a nickel. I actually understand why Putin condones the guys like that. In comparison with Vladimir Potanin, Vladimir Putin looks like an angel. In general, that’s Hobbs rule of human behavior: It pays to be a rectum orifice (RO), to put it in modern, non-binary terms acceptable to Alice. Do you think Alice does not bribe me, so that I’ll throw up all over the place? Of course she does. So she could look so sweet, while I get all the blame. Works on all levels.
ALICE: Vicious lie. I never bribed you for that. Maybe I've shared with you my portion of cat food now and then, but only because you looked so hungry and dejected. And if Vladimir--angry at your mindless and destructive behavior --decides to share his salmon with me and not you, it is his choice. In general, however, you, Hobbs have a point. I suspect, Democrats probably encouraged Trump to act like an RO –thanks for the proper term--so that Biden would look like a champ. I am sure that part of our taxes go to the special fund, called ROW (Rectum Orifices of the World), that keeps the supply of these specimen steady. Without them, politicians would have to improve and change. But with all sorts of crooks, tyrants, oligarchs, and other scoundrels in high places, why change? It is much cheaper just to pay someone to be worse than you. Vote for me, I ain’t no Hillary, or I ain’t no Trump! It clearly works in business as well. Yes, Exxon and Mobil pollute, but not like Potanin. Yes, California burns and Texas freezes, but not like Siberia! I wonder how much of Potanin’s 30 billion came from this ROW?
VG: Well, I guess that’s how it works. While the rulers of this world and their wannabes collect taxes that go to the ROW fund, regular humans do what they've been always doing. They rise to the occasion and set the examples of nobility, kindness, and human decency. They melt Texas snow not by flying to Cancun as Ted Cruz did, but by giving and sharing with each other. And Ted Cruz? Yes, no doubt that his flight to Cancun was paid from the ROW fund.
